Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
