Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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