I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
