Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sobbing to NWA
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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