he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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