I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
