it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
