I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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