Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
