I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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