You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize