Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
