Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
