so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
