I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Randomize
