I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
