Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
