I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
