We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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