??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
