nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
