She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
