Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
