What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We're too hungover to prance.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
