Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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