is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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