I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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