I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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