Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
