I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
