I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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