I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
