We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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