we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
