I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
