I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
