I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
