i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You made out with two different species that night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
