I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
