Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
