There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
