Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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