then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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