I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Acid is not a monday night drug
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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