i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
