I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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