Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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