Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize