I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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