I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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