either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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