PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
