i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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