I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
