What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
