i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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