i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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