I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize