WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
