i jhust puked up my retainher.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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