My friends, they love my intelligence
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
