we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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