i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
