her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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