sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
