I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
