Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize