a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
