Do you still have your period?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
