I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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