If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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