Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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