I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
